I have always been scared of making decisions, the basic premise being that I am not good at it, and also I have been so uncertain of the future, that I panicked. A few bad decisions, and hearing so many people complaint about the fear of making decisions started making me uncomfortable in taking decisions which would impact me or people near me.
So, basically I wanted someone to take a decision on my behalf, even though the person whom it would affect the most was me. That’s like a lot of power in someone else’s hand, and a lack of power on mine.
One fine day while seeing the food menu, I was thoroughly confused as to what to order. And it struck me, like a moment of enlightenment, that this was also a decision I was making. It is not a very crucial decision, but nonetheless a decision.
Then it occurred to me that everyday single day of my life, I take multiple decisions, starting from when to wake up, deciding whether to take a bath or not, to choosing the clothes which would stick with me throughout the day.
I realized that my decision making process has 2 components: sub-conscious decisions and conscious decisions. I am aware and thoughtful about the conscious decisions, because there is intervention by my thought process, but I am mostly unaware about my sub-conscious decisions and what are the parameters on which I take them.
Along with this, another important parameter was what was the decision about: something very crucial and life changing (like career path), or something trivial (like ordering food for me). So basically, there are 4 types of decisions:
- Subconscious decisions taken for trivial things
- Subconscious decisions taken for crucial things
- Conscious decisions taken for trivial things
- Conscious decisions taken for crucial things
I am most scared to take decisions which come under the last category, conscious decisions which are crucial and may be life changing. I was most uncomfortable to take such decisions. But on the other hand, I never had issues (or very less issues) with the other 3 types of decisions. If I am capable of taking such a large part of my decisions confidently, then why am I so scared (and under confident) to take the last type of decision.
I need to remove the fear of taking any type of decision, because not only I am competent and capable, but also because it would impact me the most in the future. I am the person who has live with these decisions, then why not make them myself. If I fail, at least I won’t have to blame someone else. Blaming my own self is better than blaming someone else.
I also realized that decisions taken at any particular moment aren’t wrong, because decisions taken at that time are best suited to the situation. Decisions become good or bad only in retrospect, after we see the consequences. But at the time I was making that particular decision, I always choose what I feel is best for me.
I also realized that if I make so many decisions everyday, then aren’t a few mistakes natural to occur, and also that a few mistakes should be allowed. ‘Go light on yourself, fella’, I said to myself.